The Obligatory Post

Exactly one year ago, I was broken.

I was coming out of a very delusional, desperate, abused state and I was in so many pieces. I really didn’t think that I would come back from that. I was dead on the inside. There was nothing left.

At least I thought.

Oddly enough, 2015 has been one of the best years of my life and here’s why.

I never gave up and I learned.

My year wasn’t peaches and cream. Though a lot of the year had many great moments, I faced a lot of tough times, too. In the end, everything that happened gave me another reason to smile. It made me appreciate the things that I had failed to see before.

Here’s a recap of my year. Ready?

I moved to Dallas.

I went to Vegas with my dad.

I went to Vegas again but this time with friends.

I lost my Job.

I tried to start up my own business.

I failed starting up my own business.

I worked incredibly weird jobs and met a lot of unique individuals.

I fell in love.

I had my heart broken.

I went to Vegas again, but with strangers.

I almost lost my grandmother.

I became a substitute teacher.

I started working as a video editor again.

Here are some of the things that people don’t usually want to admit:

I was angry. Bitter. Depressed.

I lost a lot of good friends.

I was alone a lot. Like really alone.

I had my heart broken a couple of times in different ways.

I was stupid with my money, which prevented me to eat sometimes.

I made bad judgment calls.

I started last year at my lowest and I’m not even exaggerating when I say that. But I pushed myself, to fake it. Fake it until you make it. I put on a big smile, and I forced myself to pick up those pieces and to not only put them back together again, but to build something new, something stronger, something better.

 I looked at every experience with new eyes, I learned how to be alone and to accept myself. What I really learned was how much I loved me and I’ve never taken notice to that before. I never had the time to ask myself what I wanted and to truly seek it. Well, I finally had the time and so I took the opportunity to get to know myself. I did things on my own and took pleasure in doing so. I had the time to read, draw, and exercise, whatever to really find me. And what I found was a girl that I hadn’t seen in a very long time. I had buried her, and I don’t know why. But I found her and I loved her. I loved her so much confidence just poured out of me. I’m not talking about physical confidence (though there was some of that) but confidence to believe in myself.

While I know there is so much that stayed the same and is the same, I can also say that I’m vastly different.  I believed that I was nothing and now I know that I’m everything; everything that I put my mind to.

2016, I welcome you with ease. I know that no matter what, I am blessed beyond words to live another year, to see more growth, to learn new things, to meet more people, to have more experiences and to share my love with those I love.