Purposeful

A lot has changed, once more.

I got lost again, in a different way, and lost that driving force. I got consumed in my own emptiness.

To sum up my year, I had started working full-time again, which was great, but my roommate had to move to California. Naturally being unemployed for half the year left me with no money to pay for my bills.

No roommate.
No money.
Back to the parents I went.

The new job started great, but eventually their ugly truth came out. Everything that they went for, went against all of my morals. Some days work literally made me sick. It wasn't all bad though. I learned so much and made incredible connections. But I had to get out because the job took a toll on my mental and physical state.

I was becoming empty. Purposeless. I would come home after work and immediately get into bed. I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't read, I wouldn't do anything but lay there. For hours. I stopped working out. I stopped eating healthy. I just stopped.

So, I quit.
And I found another job. A great job so far. Fingers crossed it stays that way.
And then I moved.
On my own.
Living by myself.
For the first time ever, completely and utterly alone.
So alone that I don't really know what to do with myself after I've exhausted looking at my phone or browsing the internet or watching netflix.

...It's just me.

But then I realize it's exactly what I need. Because now I'm here writing in a blog that I've barely touched in the last 6 months. I'm here taking care of myself, proudly paying ALL of my own bills. I'm here, doing something, rather than wasting my days.

So here's the plan for the next year as I learn to live by myself. I'm going to rediscover that fire that burned inside of me and I'm going to use it. I want my creative side to blossom again. I miss drawing, reading, blogging, and writing. I miss learning how to cook and exploring my surroundings. I miss living.
And for once this blog will come of use, because this will be my virtual diary of all those things that are waiting to burn.